Edinburgh Council Wins Top Pathetically Crap Award

Edinburgh Council Wins Top Pathetically Crap Award
Image: Edinburgh.gov.uk

I took Tuesday morning off work for one reason or another. I worked from home but it was a bit of a drag having to go in at all through all the ice and snow come lunchtime. Such is the way, I suppose, but I discovered that Lothian Buses have made some New Year Resolutions of their own. The main one reads: “piss as many passengers off with our own stupidity as possible”. And they are off to a flier of a start!

The bus was late (forgivable given the snow) but when I stepped on to be told by a po-faced driver, “This bus isnae gaun’ anywhere” I naturally inquired as to why. “Ah’m no drivin’ wi’ a fuckin’ draft.”


The draft was coming from a small gap in the driver window—and I mean small—and as I stood on the pavement beside the bus I listened to him argue his case to the female despatch officer. “Why can you no’ just drive the bus like everyone else—it’s been on the road aw day!”

Eventually a male voice came over the radio, sounding much sterner and much higher in authority. Within a couple of minutes I had boarded the bus and we were on our way—but not for long. At the bottom of Leith Walk we stopped passed the bus stop for a man in a small LRT van to jump out with a hammer and fix the window. A nice piece of coordination I hear you say but unfortunately it was at this point the air conditioning decided to start leaking over the three old women sitting in front of me.

We were all moved to the left hand side of the bus and the whole area taped off with ticket tape. Such professionalism, and such wonderful investments is the new fleet of modern top-notch buses for Scotland’s capital. Pish.

In other news designed to attract people to the Capital, SNP councillor for Almond and deputy health leader on the Edinburgh Council, Norman Work, has told the people of the city to stop moaning and clear their frozen pavements themselves.

You can imagine the fury, although his sentiment is similar to that voiced by our glorious leader, “First Minister” Alex Salmond, SNP and Scotland’s saviour.

Little Norman continued his rant: “A lot of people think the council should clear the pavements, but I think residents and shopkeepers should do it—unless you’re 90 years old. There is only enough salt to go around. This is no time for laziness. There are a lot of fit people out there, stop expecting other people to do the work for you.”

I have only one problem with this. While the guy is entitle to his opinion and it is probably true to say that yes, I could easily clear the snow and ice from my front door, I, and thousands of others, aren’t sure we should for the presence of one small factor: the arseholes that run the Council. Let me explain.

If anyone in this city tries to do anything to an area of land belonging to or suspected of belonging to the Council, they can forget it. I’m talking like move boundaries, have paint renewed, or, oh I don’t know, have a wall fixed before it collapses and kills someone, which is the problem we have in our back garden. To try and get the Council to even admit that a piece of land is theirs is nigh impossible even when it clearly is. You have to get land maps and all sorts of legal documentation to prove it just get them to even admit it is their responsibility. All at a cost.

So for this wee prick to come along and say WE should clear OUR pavements when a) IT IS NOT OUR FUCKING LAND and b) we pay one of the highest rates of Council Tax going for a shite bin service, shite road service and shite snow clearing service, to name but three, well, he can shove his little pointing stick up his tight arse.


The much belated December issue of the Ranfurly Review is all but ready. I completed it last night. It has slightly less fiction and poetry as normal because we have a special feature: the 2009 winner of the PSH Poetry Contest, Jim Knowles, appearing in it. It will be published for all this evening once I’ve proofed it once more and double-checked the website.

That was my main accomplishment last night. I just decided to work on one solid item that was achievable and I’m happy I can score it off my list. I can now move on to other items, which feels good to just be able to say that.

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About Colin Galbraith

Keen runner, thriller author, Madness fan, Mets fan, St Mirren fan/owner, rabbit tamer, outstanding fake faller. Loves cannolis & espressos. #LFGM
This entry was posted in Day Job, Edinburgh, Editorial Comment, Publishing and Marketing, Scotland and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Edinburgh Council Wins Top Pathetically Crap Award

  1. Pingback: Twitted by Scotland4me

  2. Really? Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying, I concur with you partially, but when you make a statement like this you really need to be ready to defend it.

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